so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
