After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
