Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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