I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
