this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
