We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
