wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
