you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
