I think I died a long time ago.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize