Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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