ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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