She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Randomize
