...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
