is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
