you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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