someone threw a dead crab at me
I just made out with a guy for $7.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize