Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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