you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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