Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just found puke in my bra..
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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