I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
