Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
