Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
