I've blown a few things in my day
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
