Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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