Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
