I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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