i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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