No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
