you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
