Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think people are normalizing furries
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
