His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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