he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I need to calm my uterus...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
