So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
