we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
