her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Can you bring me the toilet please
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
