Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
