Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
