i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Don't EVER smell your tampon
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
