CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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