You can't motorboat a personality
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize