Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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