Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You smell like stripper and shame
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
