Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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