Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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