the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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