You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
