I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
