I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
