I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
