I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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