Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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