i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
