Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
