Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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