I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
