All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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