I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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