my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I could fuck to npr.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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