My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
