Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
