Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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