Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
