you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
