If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
