Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
