beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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