your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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