put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
