um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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