At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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