Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
