ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
