I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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